blogging my way through the everyday

Posts tagged “relationships

A Few Good Eggs

I love me a good egg.

I love dipping my toast in a couple almost every morning. I love them over easy, in a salad or whipped in heaping piles atop a lemon meringue pie. I love the way they line up neatly in the carton and stack conveniently in the fridge. I like that you can even put the ground up shells in your compost.

They’re bursting with heart healthy nutrition, low in saturated fat—and have very few calories.

Recent studies reveal a plethora of reasons to include eggs as often as you can in a healthy balanced diet. Turns out they’re not just good for your heart, they’ll help you have the right kind of cholesterol. They contain high quality protein, and all 9 essential amino acids.

They’re good for your eyes, brain, nervous and cardiovascular systems, and are one of the only foods that contain naturally occurring vitamin D.  They lower your risk of breast cancer, promote healthy hair and nails, and may actually help prevent heart attacks, strokes and blood clots.

Not bad for such a humble little powerhouse of provision, who’s had to stand up against a bad rap for so long. They’ve had to fight incredible odds against the barrage of misinformation assaulting their good reputation.

But truth is always truth; and once the air clears and misconceptions are shown to be what they are, truth stands as it had all along. It doesn’t cower to consensus, and it doesn’t blush with shame at the false accusations–it is a pillar planted in the roots of eternity past, present and future by God Himself, who will bring all truth to light in His time.

And in the same way you can’t put a good egg down (pun intended), eventually lies and deception will give way to truth in our own lives.

Sometimes I buckle under the weight of misconceptions, slander and half-truths–thinking it has all obscured me even from God; that He either doesn’t see what I’ve been buried under… or He doesn’t care. But often, in that obscure place He shines the light on my own misplaced motives, judgments and accusations of others–and I wonder if it’s all scrambled eggs from His point of view.

If I fail to see the ‘good’ in those who harm me, am I doing the very thing they have failed to do, as well? What a mixed up carton of eggheads we can be sometimes.

And, from this place of improved perception, I am learning to release, one by one, all the hurtful and damaging things, real… and imagined, maybe–and finding the benefits of a few good eggs in my life is very much worth the weight of any harm done in the process. And the hard shells of past offences?

They make for a richer soil to grow in when I grind them all up and toss them away.


Communicable Deep Freeze

Lately, I’m back in poetry mode. 

It just happens to me out of nowhere–all I want to do is write poems and be very deep about everything.  If I don’t succumb I’ll be completely miserable, so I’m learning to go with it.

This is what came to me this week after encountering someone who seemed terribly cold.  This person’s coolness was so tangible it was chilling.

I was thinking about the way that is–that when we have a cold heart we feel somehow justified; like it’s our right.  Even if we knew how it affected those around us we wouldn’t care–we couldn’t care, really. 

Once coldness sets in, only the warmth of God’s love can deliver us–I know.

 

Communicable Deep Freeze

 A cold heart is contagious:
creeps like osmosis
through the air;
seeps like silica
into the senses,
paralysing pulsing
 arteries of faith,
cell, by steely cell.
Petrifying hope.
A numbing invasion
seizing unsuspecting souls
till every beating
heart is congealed
in the bloodlust of trust.

 


I Still Cry Sometimes

Sometimes it hits me out of nowhere, when I’m least expecting it, and I wonder at how the dam could so easily burst when I thought the waters had all dried up. One minute you’re filling in forms and before you know it that insensitive piece of paper wants to know exactly what date your marriage ended on. I still cry sometimes.

 

No, it’s not the desperate, dark grieving kind of crying, the kind that once had me getting help because my children deserved to have a mom growing up. It’s not self-pity, either. That kind of crying is like your soul swallowing up the shards and letting them slice away at your broken heart–it only intensifies the pain. It wasn’t that.

I guess you could liken it to a healing salve. It’s the kind of crying that comforts. Wraps you in a hug of ‘I sure wish you never had to go through this’ assurance, and lets you feel like you’re still worth something. It’s when God lets you lean on him and lose yourself in his compassion.

Whoever thinks divorce is an easy solution has never had one. I don’t say that with fingers pointing in any direction–I have enough of my own ‘stuff’ to deal with to keep me out of everyone else’s for the rest of my natural life. It’s just that it kills. It really kills.

Sure, there is healing and recovery from it. There’s healing and recovery after a tsunami, too, but I don’t recommend one as a way to clean out your car port.

So I filled in the form. I had to stop a time or two and just let it out. All those dates I’d rather forget: the date we got married, the separation, the divorce… Then I got to the end and had to fill in today’s date (yesterday’s, now) and it was like someone opened the blinds and let the light shine in the shadows,

 

and I felt I should build my altar. This is it.

June 28th. I was still a teenager. No, not your ‘happy girl next door’ kind of teenager–the restless kind. The kind that couldn’t-find-anything-good-in-life-unless-she-was-drinking kind of teenager. The one who’d dropped out of school because she was going to live her own life her own way–who wanted, more than anything else, to be free, but carried her dark addictions with her everywhere she went.

It was the day I came to God when he called me out of my darkness to trust in his Son. It was the day I laid all my burdens down and sailed away six inches off the ground for so long. It was the last day I ever felt the overwhelming craving to have a drink–ever. And the day God promised he would never leave me, though I have lived in constant fear of it for so long.

But, today–looking over those forms, I know it to be true. I can look back over my life and see that he has been with me all the way. He has been with me EVEN THOUGH so much of my struggling has been my own making. I have often stumbled and fallen in my faith; have let God and others down, have been certain that next bolt of lightning had my name engraved on it.

But, though he’s taken me out to the wood shed a time or two, I’m still his. I can’t tell you how good that feels. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him… (Lamentations 3:25).

I still cry sometimes,

 

but I don’t mind anymore.


Consider the Lilies

When I bought this Boston Fern several years ago,

 

I wasn’t really expecting for it to last as long as it has.

“Careful,” the woman at the hardware store told me on my way out.  “They’re very temperamental.  Better not touch it too much, don’t let the fronds rest on anything (they hate that, and will probably die), just hang it somewhere out-of-the-way and keep it watered.”

“Those are hard to take care of,”  my friends told me.   “Try not to let the fronds touch anything,” they said.

Since my track record for plants succumbing to a slow and painful demise in my presence was pretty much 100% I was pretty sure it was only a matter of time.  After all, consider the Peace Lily–mine neither complains nor weeps, yet after five years with me it’s an anemic nervous wreck.

Apparently, Peace Lilies are practically impossible to destroy.  Which is why they’re  considered the perfect plant for the ‘houseplant challenged.’   Which is also why there are some things about my life I just don’t get. 

Since I figured the fern’s days were numbered anyway I subjected it to the usual abuse and neglect:  days without rain followed by the requisite drenching downpour.  Just the conditions Peace Lilies are supposed to thrive under, by the way.  I plunked it right on top of my hutch and let the fronds fondle the edges. 

I shake it out when I notice brown leaves and fluff it up when I get the whim.  I take it down regularly and give it a thorough soaking and shaking, then plop it back on top again–all the while letting its gorgeous green talons brush up against walls and countertops, and not to mention, me.  And what do I get for it?  It loves me!

In fact, most of the pot is completely overtaken with amorous feelings (and roots) and it’s still thriving.  Maybe ferns are just sick and tired of people mollycoddling them.  Maybe they want to be treated like everybody else.

And that has me thinking about some of the relationships in my life.  Maybe I’ve just mollycoddled the life right out of them.  I just can’t figure out where I went wrong, but, thank God I’m surrounded by so many finicky ferns flourishing despite all the shaking they get sometimes.  And, I still have those gorgeous Ivies.

Guess that’s the thing about relationships–sometimes it’s not about how careful we are to keep them from dying.   Sometimes it’s all about just letting them be.